now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
