if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
