I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
