when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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