the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
