I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
