I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
