My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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