The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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