Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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