ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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