I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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