Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
