when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
