Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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