Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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