i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
