Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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