i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
