Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Alive.
So much puke
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
