I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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