you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
