Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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