Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
