Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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