i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
