Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
