I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
