Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
