in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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