well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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