Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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