the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
