Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
