I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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