Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
