thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
