I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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