So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
