I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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