I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
