i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
