We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
