It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
