I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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