I'm going to jail i love you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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