Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
