He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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