when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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