12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
