You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
