I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
