I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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