I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
