me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
