i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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